Festivus grievances

What began as an episode of “Seinfeld” has now become a parody holiday that some people actually like to celebrate: Festivus. There are various parts of celebrating Festivus, which falls every year on December 23, but one tradition we like the best is the Airing of Grievances. Instead of being happy and hopeful – which, let’s face it, is kind of exhausting sometimes – each person participating in the festivities gets to lash out at others about the world and how they have been disappointed in the past year.


So, who do we have a beef with? There were some alcohol brands that we’d be happy to see disappear in 2014. No offense to them, but they didn’t really do it for us, you know?


If you’re a regular reader, you probably know that we have a reoccurring article called “Free Stuff People Sent Us That We May or May Not Like.” While we are so appreciative that companies are willing to send us free bottles of their booze to try out, there were some that just weren’t good. Period.


Ivanabitch Tobacco Vodka: “The strong smell is a turn off and the sugary flavor isn’t what we’re looking for. If you choose to grab a bottle, proceed with caution.”


Syntax Spirits: “From the bottles, to the flavor, they did not impress. And at $25 a bottle, they’re a rip off. One DIAer put it best: ‘You couldn’t even get me drunk enough to drink those.’ ”


Mama Walker: “Clearly boozy breakfast liqueurs aren’t number one on our list. We wouldn’t mind the maple bacon every so often, but we’ll keep the other two [Glazed Donut and Blueberry Pancake] on the shelves.”


Striped Pig Moonshine: “We understand moonshine isn’t everyone’s favorite but this was unbearable. Even our resident moonshine expert said ‘this gives moonshine a bad name.’ Steer clear.”


We’re glad we tried these liquors, but we’re also really glad we’re never going to taste them ever again. Here’s to a new year filled with delicious alcohol that doesn’t taste like gasoline. Cheers.