We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:
1. Bill Simmons: ESPN announced that they won’t be renewing his contract at the end of September after spending 15 years together. Get a pint of ice cream and a big bottle of wine, this’ll be a tough breakup.
2. Google Search: Google now lets you order your dinner right from the search page, giving you even less time to actually consider what you’re putting in your body. Fill the fridge with beer, you’ll need to wash that pizza down with something.
3. Mother’s Day: Moms are great. Share a drink with yours and remember a time when she actually thought you were adorable.
4. Allergies: They’re calling it a Pollen Tsunami. Your nose will run, your eyes will itch, and your throat will scratch. Drink something to dull the pain.
5. Pirate’s Booty: After hundreds of years at the bottom of the sea, a diver in Madagascar found what appears to be treasure from the infamous Scottish pirate, Captain Kidd. We can’t even find our house keys after a night out.