Single people can usually fly under the radar when February 14th rolls around. If it falls on a weekday you go to work, go home, watch some tv, and go to bed. Just like any other day. But when it falls on a Saturday? There’s no hiding.

If you stay in you look like a loser. If you go out alone you look like a creep. So what’s a bachelor to do?

For those lucky enough in life to be unlucky in love, we present the V-Day Singles Playbook:

1. Travel In Packs:  Just as you would on a regular weekend, call up your friends and go get hammered at your favorite local establishment. It’s impossible to feel sorry for yourself when you’re surrounded by people who make you laugh.

2. Don’t Hit On ANYONE: The best thing about being single on Valentine’s Day is that you don’t have to shell out any extra money trying to impress a significant other. Don’t throw that away by buying a desperate guy or girl a fancy drink.

3. Drink. A lot: Why not? Sundays are for hangovers.

4. Turn Off Your Phone: The last thing you want to do is send a drunk text to someone who stopped thinking about you months ago. Stay strong and keep the opportunities for embarrassment to a minimum.

5. Snack Hard: Drunk munchies are real, and you’ve got no one to impress at the end of the night. Once you get home throw on your sweats, fire up those pizza rolls, and burn the roof of your mouth with cheesy goodness. You won’t be kissing anyone for at least a week anyway.