michelleEvery year we leave our homes and countdown to the new year with family and friends. No matter how many New Year’s Eve parties you have under your belt, you never learn that you’re better off just staying in your pajamas and calling it a night at 10 PM. There’s something about the holiday that gives us enough hope to venture outdoors and listen to the background noise of Ryan Seacrest talking to celebrities all night long. Here’s how it’ll probably go down for you this year:

1. Effort: You style your hair just right, put on an outfit that flatters you at every angle and pretend that you aren’t going to turn into a mess of a human later tonight. You want your last photos of 2015 to make your ex jealous.

2. Hope: For some reason you are under the impression that anything can happen tonight. You’re meeting new people and seeing old friends who you never considered hooking up with until this moment. You’ll probably say ‘This will be my year’ at least once and genuinely believe it. Your friends will agree.

3. Failure: You scope out the scene right away. Drink in hand, you spot the lucky one who you’ll kiss at midnight. You spend the next few hours playing it cool and waiting for them to come to you. They never do.

4. Settling: There’s no more denying it, you aren’t going to steal the heart of the one your have your eye on. It’s time to look to the second tier and snag one in time for midnight. As long as you don’t end up with the dog it’s not a total loss, right?

5. Regret: The next morning you wake up hung over. The New Year is already off to a terrible start and you realize you should have just stayed home with your Netflix queue.