Beer Bellies


According to a recent survey, the number one vacation concern for us guys is having to go shirtless and show our beer bellies.


#1. Never feel bad about your belly. You earned it.


#2. News flash: Just like the boogey man and Manti Te’o’s girlfriend, beer bellies are not real.


It’s true. TIME Magazine told us.


According to University of California Davis food science professor Charles Bamforth, the idea of the beer belly is stupid. He didn’t say it exactly like that, we’re translating.


So where did all of this nonsense come from? It’s mostly because a serving of beer is larger than a serving of wine or hard liquor, and beer drinkers typically drink more in one sitting since most brews aren’t as alcoholic as other stuff. It’s not the beer’s fault – it’s just simple science. When you consume more calories, you get fatter (or sexier, depending on who you ask).


If beer bellies are a myth, why are there still so many dudes walking around with big bellies while other parts of their bodies remain relatively “normal”? We’re more likely to gain weight around the waist than women. If you are one of those men with a big ole’ belly, we have two recommendations, based on whether or not you enjoy the way you look with a shirt off:


  • If you don’t like the way your belly looks, stop eating gross food and start doing sit ups. Definitely don’t stop drinking, though. That would be boring.


  • If you do like the way your belly looks, wear it loud and proud. Possibly invest in one of those shirts that say “It’s not a Beer Belly. It’s a Fuel Tank for a Sex Machine.”


Now that you know beer bellies aren’t real, you can enjoy your vacation without worrying about your stomach. However, we can’t save you from the #2 worry on the list: missing out on sporting events. Tough break, bro.