Over the past several years, Etsy has emerged as the go-to online marketplace for all things homemade, personalized, and unique. In times of brain freeze, it has helped us Christmas shop, get inspiration for our own DIY projects, and/or waste time. And while you can find pretty much anything for sale on the site (including but not limited to homemade chicken sweaters, sperm wallpaper, and an appalling amount of customized Nicholas Cage items), there is one thing you can’t find: alcohol. For obvious reasons, selling alcohol on Etsy would be all kinds of illegal, so we’re not surprised that buying a handle of Jose was off the table. However, we were (and still are) slightly surprised at what we did find after searching “alcohol” on the site. Here are the three weirdest things about the first page of results:
There’s a woman selling hard candy made from Crown Royal Whiskey and we don’t know how to feel about it. She doesn’t specify alcohol content per piece, but she does list the candies as “adults only.” The only other ingredients are sugar and salt, so we are a little bit curious about the taste, but maybe not enough to engage in the alcoholic candy black market. Even still, the immaculately crafted description is tempting, “Hard Candy, Gems, Alcohol Candy with make them smile if this happens to be their favorite.”
For whatever reason, many Etsy shops love sayings that involve alcohol, but feel it necessary to hate on salad at the same time. The saying is definitely worth a chuckle the first time, but after you see it reiterated on posters, t-shirts, wooden signs, and ornately framed images, it gets to be a little odd. By the time we got through the first page, we had an unnecessary amount of rage directed at salad for no reason, which leaves us asking, “why?”. Why victimize salad over and over when you can insert LITERALLY anything else? Leave the poor leafy greens alone.
Upcycling is the bee’s knees of late, and for good reason for sure. Who doesn’t want to repurpose old things and add charm to your life at the same time? However, we stumbled upon one shop that is selling candles in up cycled beer bottles. The shop provides no clues to what the scent of the candle might be, and truthfully, the product description is a little confusing: “Repurposed Bottle Corona Beer Extra Alcohol Bottle Candle Corona Extra Recycled Candle Mexican Beer Gift Mexico Summer Beverage Drink Liquor.” We’re assuming that the candle is unscented (although you never know), and that its sole purpose is for decoration. So the next time you want refine your living room aesthetic (or don’t know what to bring to the office yankee swap), choose a Corona Extra Candle. Maybe.