Tag Archives: 5 reasons to drink

5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / October 16, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Drunk Texting: A new text based liquor store called DrinkEasy exists now. They specialize in craft spirits and deliver right to your door. That’s more than you can say for your ex. Now you can text someone you won’t regret this weekend.

2. Boss’s Day: It’s today, if you didn’t already know. If you aren’t sure whether you have a good boss or not then take a look at the seat next to you. If your boss is there sharing a drink then you’ve got a keeper.

3. Movie Night: Bridge of Spies, Crimson Peak, and Goosebumps all open today. It’s the perfect weekend to sneak some beers in a backpack and movie hop until the only film you haven’t seen is Ricki and the Flash.

4. Playboy: Hugh decided to turn his magazine into a respectable piece of literature because that whole Internet thing kind of made those naked ladies commonplace. Save your old issues, they’ll be worth nothing someday.

5. Destiny: The Cubs are getting closer to proving that Back to the Future was a documentary. If the cursed team really does go all the way we’ll need a drink to come to terms with the oracle talent that is Marty McFly.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / August 21, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Fat Jewish: Everyone who has ever said anything funny is mad at the lucrative Instagram joke thief known as Fat Jewish. After years of comedians calling him out, enough was finally enough. Take a drink for every time he’s made you laugh with his lies.

2. Fear The Walking Dead: The new series premieres this Sunday and early reviews are looking good. After the success of Better Call Saul, AMC is feeling pretty confident about their prequel spin-offs. But then, Better Call Saul wasn’t called Fear Breaking Bad so…

3. The Duggars: Josh dug himself into an even deeper hole this week when his name popped up for all to see in the Ashley Madison leak. The list of cheaters that resulted from the hack is now searchable, and unfaithful men and women are freaking out. Grab a box of wine before you type your spouse’s name in.

4. Banksy: The anonymous street artist is back with Dismaland, a distopian Disneyland piece of art, because nothing is sacred and joy is a thing best forgotten.

5. Deez Nuts: The popular hood rat exclamation is running as an independent presidential candidate from Iowa and polling rather well against the competition. Go have a few drinks and fill out a presidential application. Deez Nuts can’t be too hard to beat.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / July 24, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. VMAs: Rivaled only by the Kid’s Choice Awards, the most useless award show in America released nominations this week. It sparked a Twitter war between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift that turned into a Twitter war between Nicki, Taylor, Katy Perry, Kim Kardashian, and more people you like to pretend don’t exist. After some apologies it’s not really clear who won, but the real loser here is quality entertainment.

2. Sharknado 3: Speaking of quality entertainment – “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No” premiered this Wednesday on SyFy. It ended with a cliffhanger that lead to the announcement of Sharknado 4 (hooray?). We don’t want to give any spoilers if you aren’t caught up, but let’s just say if you liked Agent Cody Banks you are in for a real treat.

3. Trump: In a speech this week, The Donald gave out Lindsey Graham’s real phone number. The political world is shedding a tear for what this race has become while The Onion builds a golden statue in Trump’s honor.

4. Southpaw: Jake Gyllenhaal’s boxing movie comes out this weekend. Or as we like to call it: the thinking man’s Magic Mike XXL. Grab some popcorn, blast some Eminem, and believe that your body is also capable of changing from Nightcrawler Jake to Southpaw Jake in a year’s time.

5. Ashley Madison: The website where married people go to have affairs leaked the names of its users this week. We aren’t sure what’s more disappointing: learning your spouse was looking for an affair or learning your spouse was stupid enough to post their affair-seeking face on a website.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / May 22, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Long Weekend: You’ve got three days of not working staring you right in the face. Accept the challenge.

2. Goodbye Dave: This weekend marks the first in a world that doesn’t have Letterman on TV. YouTube his greatest hits and take a drink for every time he makes you laugh.

3. Facebook: Their Messenger app just added a Caller ID function. Next time someone says “hi” you’ll see their occupation, location, and mutual friends. It’s cool in that creepy, Facebook-knows-more-about-you-than-you-ever-will kind of way.

4. You’re Old: In an interview this week, Maggie Gyllenhaal said she was told that she lost out in a role because she was too old to be the lover of a 55 year old man. Maggie is 37. Now would be a great time to invent a wine that doubles as anti-aging cream.

5. Grand Slam: The French Open begins this Sunday. Turn up the TV volume and give your nosy neighbors something to talk about.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / May 15, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Deflategate: People are still talking about Tom Brady’s balls. The Players Association is challenging the NFL on the ridiculous 4-game suspension they dished out earlier this week. But don’t worry– Goodell is trying to appoint himself to hear the case directly because that totally makes sense and isn’t weird at all and it’s fine, we’re fine, everything is fine.

2. Auto-Drive: Google’s self-driving cars are ready to leave the test track and take a spin in the real world. Even though they won’t drive faster than 25 MPH and they’ll have a safety driver on board in case of emergency, this is still a huge advance in the world of designated driving. Cheers to that.

3. Mad Men: This weekend we bid adieu to our friends at Sterling Cooper after 7 seasons together. There are plenty of theories out there about how it will all end, but as long as we’re sipping on an Old Fashioned while it happens- we’re good.

4. Sueber: Some guy from California says he deserves a castle in the Uber kingdom because the whole thing was his idea. Pretty bold statement. He’s suing them for a share in the company and we’re thinking about taking a Lyft.

5. BB King: No better time to listen to the blues than when mourning the loss of the genre’s best. Rest easy, Blues Boy.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / April 24, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Mila Kunis: She’s being accused of stealing a chicken from a child 25 years ago in the Ukraine. Totally logical. Spend the weekend calling ex-childhood friends and demanding money for all of the times they teased you in the sandbox.

2. Comcast and Time Warner: The merger between the two evil companies came to a halt this week when Comcast decided to walk away from the proposed deal. Drunk dial their customer service, grab a pint of ice cream, and share your breakup stories so they know they aren’t alone.

3. Project Fi: Google announced the launch of their wireless service this week. It promises to cost less money than the competition and make you feel more like a character in 1984 than ever before.

4. Hubble: The Hubble Space Telescope is celebrating its 25^th anniversary this week. In that time it has made over 1 million observations and seen the farthest and oldest galaxies we know of. At our 25^th birthday we hadn’t even finished watching all 5 seasons of The Wire.

5. Bruce Jenner: His big, exclusive interview with Diane Sawyer is tonight. He’s been on a reality show for 8 years, but this is the first time the public will actually hear what he has to say without being interrupted by his self-centered family. Cheers to that.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / April 17, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Playoffs: You’ve got the first rounds of NHL and NBA playoffs to look forward to this weekend. That’s a lot of sports. But hey, you aren’t playing. Relax on the couch and watch amazing happen.

2. Election Talk: Hillary, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Marco Rubio have already begun their 2016 presidential campaigns. Get ready for a year and a half of them cutting each other down during commercial breaks.

3. Gisele Bundchen: The world famous supermodel walked down her last runway this week after 20 years in the biz. She will now begin her reign as the hottest retired person in the history of the world.

4. The Force: The new Star Wars trailer was released this week sending nerds into hyperdrive. Here’s hoping for way less incest in the plot this time around.

5. WikiLeaks: They posted a searchable database of all of that controversial Sony stuff that leaked a few months ago. Search a curse word and take a drink for every email that pops up.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / April 10, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Hummus: Sabra recalled a bunch of their hummus for possible listeria contamination. It’s as good an excuse as any to jump off the healthy-eating bandwagon and get back on that Cheetos grind.

2. Taco Bell: Speaking of food that’s delicious, our Quesarito-making friends are toying with the idea of getting into the delivery game as early as this year. You’ll finally be able to get your late-night fix without the chore of figuring out which of your friends is sober enough to drive.

3. Emoji: An update added some new characters to your keyboard this week. Grab a chair and spend the day trying to find that eggplant you always used to send.

4. HBO: Game of Thrones, Silicon Valley, and Veep all return to our TVs on Sunday night. While they’re an odd bunch at first glance, a closer examination will reveal that, at their core, they’re really all just about miserable people trying not to kill everyone around them.

5. Slurpee: 7-11 is hosting Bring Your Own Cup Day on Saturday. Go find the biggest container you own, fill half with vodka, and hit the Slurpee machine.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / April 3, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Passover: No Friday night bar hopping if you’re celebrating Passover. That means you’ll have to make up for it at the Seder. Stock up on Manischewitz, and hope for the best.

2. Lunar Eclipse: The west coast is getting a front row seat to a lunar eclipse this weekend. Prepare for your entire Instagram feed to be blurry, over-filtered pictures of the moon.

3. Tidal: Jay-Z and pretty much every other musician you can name released a new, paid streaming service this week. We’re just over here counting the days until the Illuminati takes over the entire planet.

4. Opening Day: After a long winter, Sunday marks the official start of baseball season. Here’s to 6 months of drinking outdoors and yelling insults at outfielders from the bleacher seats.

5. Easter: If you aren’t in the Passover club, chances are good you’re in for a day of forced family bonding come Sunday. Fill a cooler, hide behind a tree, and pretend you got lost during the egg hunt.

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5 Reasons to Drink This Weekend

5 Reasons To Drink This Weekend / March 27, 2015 / No Comments.

We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Justin Bieber: His much-anticipated Comedy Central Roast is next Monday. Spend the weekend reminiscing about the “Baby” Canadian YouTube star that once was.

2. Periscope: The live streaming app launched this week. Now you can watch your friend’s lame brunch in real-time instead of just seeing a filtered Instagram photo a few hours later! Hooray!

3. Weather: With Boston expecting snow and Vegas spiking into the 90s, it’s clear that Spring is a thing of the past. The only truth we can count on at a time like this is our alcohol.

4. Soccer: Remember the World Cup? Turns out those crazy kids play year-round and there are some A+ match ups this weekend. If you’re starting to lose interest in March Madness, why not give that clicker finger some exercise?

5. The Blue Box: Heinz and Kraft have combined forces on the business end, making those kids you laughed at for putting ketchup on their Mac ‘n Cheese true visionaries.

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