If you’re from Massachusetts, you’re pretty familiar with Patriots’ Day. If you’re from anywhere else in the world, you’ve got no idea what we’re talking about. Allow us to enlighten you:
Patriots’ Day is a statewide holiday also known as Marathon Monday. Every year on this day participants either get really drunk or they run 26.2 miles and THEN get really drunk. It’s truly the best way to beat the Monday blues.
It also marks the beginning of day drinking season, which is something we can all appreciate no matter what fake holidays our home states celebrate. So call in sick from work, maybe take a jog, and celebrate your Patriotism with as much beer as you can find. Here are some proven tips to ensure a productive day of drinking:
Go outside: Find a patio, a porch, some grass.. really anywhere you can sit in the sun will do. Winter is over and your living room is sick of seeing your face. Go get some tan lines.
Bring more than you need: How many times have we gone out to day drink with one 30-rack only to find ourselves out of beer by 2 PM? Don’t let it happen to you. If you can carry more, carry more.
Invite friends: This should go without saying, but there’s a fine line between having a Monday Funday and making onlookers seriously concerned for your well-being.
Don’t be afraid to power nap: If that’s what it takes for you to keep the party going until way after 4 in the afternoon, then do it. Just make sure you actually wake up.
Pace yourself: You have a long day ahead of you, make sure you remember it. That means no shots whatsoever. Ok – maybe just one breakfast shot to get you going…