best christmas lists

When you get to a certain age, you don’t really know what to put on your Christmas list anymore. Yeah, you want some stuff, but it’s not really a big deal. Unfortunately, your family and friends pressure you into making a Christmas list because they need something to work off of.


In a dream world, we’d be able to put what we really want: booze. Just lots and lots of booze to last the whole year so we’ll never have to spend a dime. Is that so wrong? However, when you write “52 bottles of Jack Daniels” on your Christmas list, people start to worry. They don’t get it. You need to be sneaky and plant the idea in their heads without coming out and say “Hey, fill my stocking with some Grey Goose this year.”


Here are some totally fool proof* ways to make sure there’s some booze under the Christmas tree for you on Wednesday morning:


  • Change your screen saver and desktop wallpaper to your favorite alcohol brand’s logo. Do this at home and work because if your office does Secret Santa, the person who drew your name will get the hint.


  • If your job doesn’t do a Secret Santa, pretend they did and bring home a bottle of your favorite liquor. Tell your family your Secret Santa must really know you well, they did such a great job and it’s the best gift you’ve ever received.


  • Drink your favorite liquor at every single meal. Even breakfast (we hear Baileys tastes great on cereal).


  • Buy your kids a new puppy and name it Jim Beam.


  • Put an empty bottle of your favorite booze on the kitchen table with a note taped to it that says “Help me, I’m thirsty.”


  • If all else fails and people don’t get the hint, return gifts people won’t notice are gone and use the money to buy liquor.


*We’ve never tried these. They’re not really fool proof but we’re rooting for you.


If your family and friends don’t get it after these tactics, there’s no help for them. Here’s to liquor filled presents under the tree.