“I’ll give you a winter prediction: It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.” — Phil, Groundhog Day

giphyDon’t let the joy and shiny decorations of the holidays distract you: We are heading straight into the coldest, and therefore the worst, months of the year. There’s no stopping it. There is only survival mode, aka hunkering down with a hot, boozy beverage.

Here are Drinking in America’s scientific, undisputed rankings of hot alcoholic drinks:

  1. Hot Toddy: When you inevitably feel a cold coming on, drink this hot mix of bourbon, honey and lemon. Does it work? Who cares? You’re drinking bourbon and honey.
  2. Irish Coffee: Bonus points if you ask someone to “Irish up that coffee for me.”
  3. Mulled Wine: Mulling wine is a whole project. But it’s cold out, what else do you have to do? Mulled wine makes your apartment smell great, plus star anise looks super-cool.
  4. Boozy Hot Chocolate: Try not to be confused when you’re nostalgic for your childhood but also drunk.
  5. Hot Apple Cider With Rum: Take apple cider. Heat it. Add rum. Throw in some spices if you’re fancy.
  6. Grog: Break out the leftover dark rum from this summer’s Dark-and-Stormy’s and make some grog. Talk like a pirate while you drink it.
  7. Tom & Jerry: This caloric monster is made with eggs, milk, sugar and brandy. You can lost the weight after New Year’s.
  8. Hot Buttered Rum: The idea of putting butter in a drink weirds me out, guys. But to each their own.
  9. A Styrofoam Cup of Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee With Some Dr. McGillicuddy’s Poured In: You’re better than this.
  10. Hot Pumpkin Pie Cocktail: No, Pumpkin Spice is never leaving.

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