If you haven’t finished (or started…) your Christmas shopping, you’re pretty screwed. You could still run out to the stores, but then you’d be there with every other desperate idiot in town and things could get pretty ugly. So, what are you supposed to do?

Buy booze, of course!

How many times have you participated in a Yankee Swap where someone brings a bottle of booze and that bottle is the gift that everyone keeps stealing? There could be a ton of really thoughtful, fun presents circulating and yet everyone always wants to get their hands on the liquor. It’s because even though people say they like thoughtful gifts, what they really mean is that they want to get drunk.

So even though you feel like you’re a gift-giving failure right now, you actually have plenty of time to run to the liquor store and make a few people very happy. The idea is to not just choose anything – you can go one of two routes.

1) If you are independently wealthy with money to burn, buy them some kind of extra nice bottle of wine or liquor that they probably wouldn’t normally buy for themselves. This is also a good choice if you don’t really know exactly what someone likes to drink. Fact: People will drink anything if they know it was expensive.

2) Go the semi-thoughtful route. It’s kind of hard to make a gift of liquor seem thoughtful, but you can try a little bit. If you know their favorite kind of beer or whiskey, that’s awesome – buy that. They’ll be touched that you paid attention. If you don’t know what they like, you’ll need to get a little more creative. Try to think of a vacation they took recently and play off of that – if they went to Mexico, get a bottle of tequila. If they went to Ireland, get an Irish whiskey. Do they love sweets? Get an interesting flavored vodka. Use your imagination.

Good luck in your last minute gift search and don’t be afraid to add us to your shopping list. We won’t judge you if you buy us liquor and we’ll write you a really thoughtful thank you note.