We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:
1. Neil Degrasse Tyson: After both Tila Tequila and B.O.B voiced their scientific theory that our planet is flat, Tyson set them straight with nerd swagger that only he can get away with. We’ll drink to that.
2. Leo: Hollywood’s golden boy met the Pope this week and spoke to him in Italian. If that little performance as a God-fearing Catholic doesn’t win him the Oscar, nothing will.
3. Kanye: After seeing his wife’s initials on Wiz’s Twitter, Kanye went on a tear insulting the rapper and his girlfriend, Amber Rose. He later realized that what he thought were Kim’s initials were really just a slang term for weed. But you can’t take back what you say in the Internet age, even if you go back and delete a tweet or 20. Cheers to the memory of Twitter wars past by pouring your favorite liquor in one of the many new Etsy cups etched with his tweet-wisdom.
4. SAG Awards: The show is this weekend. Yes, another night for us to watch stars give speeches and dress to impress. Every time a winner says ‘um’ while accepting an award, take a drink.
5. ZAYN: The One Direction defector released his first track today and decided that going solo means spelling your name with the caps lock on. The song is called PILLOWTALK (also making use of the caps lock button and ignoring the space bar). If you like it, congrats! If you hate it, there’s always alcohol and old Bowie albums to pull you through.