We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Friday the 13th: Superstitious people will be on edge today. The only cure? A nice cold drink and a polite reminder that black cats aren’t trying to kill them.

2. SpaghettiO’s Recall: Red pieces of plastic got mixed up in a few shipments of SpaghettiO’s presenting a serious choking hazard. If eating canned spaghetti alone on a Friday night weren’t depressing enough for you already, now you can add performing the Heimlich on yourself to the mix.

3. Missy Elliott: Seven years away from the spotlight was just what the hip hop queen needed. Her new single WTF debuted on Thursday and with it brought insane dance moves, a Pharrell marionette and a mirrored jumpsuit that we’re all adding to our wish lists.

4. Fight Night: Ronda Rousey takes on worthy opponent Holly Holm tomorrow night. It’s a Pay Per View fight that promises to be well worth the money if you’re into that whole strong, independent, powerful women who could destroy anyone who messes with them kind of thing.

5. #allmymovies: In the name of performance art Shia LaBeouf sat in a movie theater for three days watching every movie he has ever made in reverse chronolgical order – yes including the Even Stevens Movie. America watched along as he laughed, cried and ate Domino’s pizza. If watching movies all day is art then you can call me Picasso.