We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Putin: In the ultimate power move, he popped a 240 year old bottle of Spanish sherry that was worth about $150,000.  Now he’s being sued for stealing what was said to be the property of the Ukrainian people. We’ve never been more content with our Two Buck Chuck.

2. Starbucks: The coffee powerhouse introduced a new seasonal Toasted Graham Latte this week. Reviews are positive but it’s far from dethroning the Pumpkin King. Throw a 40 into a paper bag, grab a seat on a bench, and drink every time a girl walks by with her Pumpkin Spice.

3. CSI: After 15 seasons, the show that you didn’t know was still making new episodes is coming to an end with a 2 hour reunion finale this Sunday. Celebrate by flipping through the channels and assuming it’s a rerun.

4. Volkswagen: It turns out that the auto company has been lying about their fuel efficiency all along. I guess we shouldn’t have expected 100% honesty from the guys who told us that driving a Bug was cool.

5. Baby Names: Ashlee Simpson is still a person and she just made another person. She chose to name her daughter “Jagger” to remind us that no matter how much star power you lose, you can still control how much your child gets bullied at the playgound.