We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Party Tricks: This week Justin Bieber lost a beer shotgun contest to Sam Shahidi by at least 3 seconds and blamed it on his lack of college party experience. We just think his Kate Gosselin hair got in the way.

2. Black Mass: The highly anticipated Whitey Bulger movie starring Johnny Depp with blue contacts comes out this weekend. We can’t tell you whether or not it will do justice to the epic tale of this life of crime, but we CAN guarantee that Landry is totally gonna kill another dude.

3. Rainbow Doritos: To support the LGBT community, the cheesy snack food is getting colorful. A $10 donation to It Gets Better puts these chips in your hands. Now your drunk eating will be for a greater good.

4. Jason Pierre-Paul’s Hand: A firework accident left the Giants’ DE with a bandaged hand this Summer. This week the cast was removed to reveal his missing finger and what looks like a mutant monster horror hand. Pretty good intimidation strategy.

5. Dislike Button: The long fabled button is finally Zuckerberg-approved for Facebook. Tell those selfie queens how you really feel, or just continue to send their pictures to your friends and mock them behind their backs like the passive aggressive guy you are.