We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Love Isn’t Real: Writers announced that Homer and Marge are ‘going on a break’ next season. A character voiced by Lena Dunham will steal the heart of our favorite alcoholic, and life as we know it will crumble into nothing.

2. Christopher Lee:  Dracula passed away this week leaving behind an impressive legacy. Marathon the Lord of the Rings trilogy and send him off in style.

3. Dellavedova: With Kyrie Irving out, the Cavs’ point guard responsibilities are left in the hands of the barely capable Matt Dellavedova. A guy who looks and plays like your old college buddy is making headlines. Just doesn’t seem fair.

4. Apple Music: The tech giant announced a new service along with Beats music that promises to combine everything you love about streaming into one. This could be the final nail in Tidal’s coffin, but Jay Z still falls asleep next to Beyonce every night so he’ll be just fine.

5. Prison Break: Two convicted killers escaped from a New York prison last weekend and no one knows where they went. It’s just like in the movies, but terrifying.