We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:

1. Seinfeld: Hulu bought the rights to every episode of Seinfeld this week. Order some Chinese food to a janitor closet across the street and pour a large coffee, cause these pretzels are making me thirsty.

2. The Black Plague: Remember when your history book came to life last year in Colorado? They just traced it back to a dog. May the only plague-like symptoms you have this weekend be alcohol induced.

3. Selfie Arm: Close your eyes and imagine a world where there is something more visually upsetting than the Selfie Stick. Now open your eyes. You’re living in that world. Time to panic.

4. Guess My Age: Microsoft has a new website that allows you to upload your pictures and have it guess how old everyone in it is. Upload a shot of your girlfriend and prepare for a weekend on the couch.

5. NFL Draft: The draft is in full swing and the analyses have begun. It’s only May, but the fantasy invites are already loading up your inbox. Football season is basically here. Cancel your Sunday plans and load up the mini fridge.