We’re not the type of people who need a reason to drink. If we’re breathing that’s reason enough. But for those who need more, here you go:
1. Deflategate: Whether you’re a Pats fan or a Pats hater, you’ve been talking about balls all week with a straight face. Pour a drink and have a couple laughs at Tom Brady’s expense.
2. Fake Babies: American Sniper came out last week and all anyone can talk about is how fake Bradley Cooper’s baby looks. If you’re planning to buy a ticket this weekend, we suggest pre-gaming enough to make it look real.
3. Dinosaur Sharks: A few fisherman caught themselves a frilled shark this week. If you’re planning to do an image search of the “fish fossil”, be sure you’ve got a full bottle of whiskey on hand. It’s messed up.
4. HoloLens: Microsoft announced a new virtual headset that makes the recently discontinued Google Glass look like a worthless piece of plastic. HoloLens includes the real world in your virtual reality for a drug trip that you won’t have to hide from your parents.
5. Screech: Zack Morris’s best buddy is on trial for stabbing a man in Wisconsin on Christmas Day. Legend has it that his downfall started at the same time that The New Class began filming.