You’re home for the holidays and your mom has reminded you that there is no way in hell she’s cooking you dinner the night before Thanksgiving. So you get in your car and drive to the local bar only to find every other person who went to your high school is already 3 drinks in. It reminds you of a nightmare you once had, but the beer isn’t nearly as good. Before you can finish your first drink you’re bound to run into these 5 people:
Ex-Best Friend: They’re in every single one of your old pictures, but you haven’t talked in years. Chances are that they’re a completely different person now. You’ll try to find something to talk about, but mostly end up just nodding your head and looking around for an escape.
The New Mom: She’ll corner you and show you an iPhone full of pictures of her kid (as if you didn’t already see them all on Facebook). Then she’ll talk about how she should really turn in because she’s got a kid at home and she hates to leave them with a sitter.
The Couple That Never Broke Up: Except for that one Thanksgiving break their freshman year of college, these two have beaten the odds and found their one true loves at age 16… And they won’t shut up about it.
Your Ex: They were better looking in high school, right? If you make it through the night without shamefully hooking up in the bathroom, consider it a success.
Your Old Teacher: They’re reliving their youth in an even more depressing way than you are. They’ll buy you a beer and try to give life advice, but somehow it feels like you should do the exact opposite of everything they say.
Good luck. And remember: if you drink enough, it will almost be bearable.